all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
