apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He kissed a someone with a penis
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
