well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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