I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
