As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
