Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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