how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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