so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
