I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
