I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
