"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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