we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
