Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
