You just made me feel so damn special
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize