hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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