At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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