it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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