I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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