Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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