No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
