He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
