My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
