I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
