There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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