Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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