you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize