absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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