i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
