mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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