apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
