Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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