I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
