i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
