Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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