But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
