last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
