Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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