you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
