I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
