So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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