my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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