why do cheetos always look like penises
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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