Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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