Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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