So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
