mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
