Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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