Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
