how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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