Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
