we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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