420 ftw
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
