I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
