we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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