The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My pussy is not your playground.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
jump out the window naked night went bad
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
