she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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