Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
