Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
