i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
