my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Everclear isn't food dammit
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
