We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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