I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
