i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize